Blogging + time = positive mental health

I really do love scrolling down the Meet and Greet section of my site. Every single day I am getting new additions to this and people seem to really enjoy introducing themselves and having a browse of other blogs. It is great to see and I am pleased I have it on here.

As I have said a few times because of the number of comments I receive here I am not going to try and respond and clog up the feed, I would prefer to leave it clean. I can barely keep up with daily blog comments and my about me section, not that I would consider this a bad thing for a second. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

However every now and then I will spot a contribution that catches my eye. Elizabeth over at Living with Mental Illness asked me a question that I have answered recently in comments, however with the theme of mental illness I will try to answer with this topic incorporated.

 

---

How do you reach a larger audience with reads and follows? I would greatly appreciate any advice you can share! Thank you in advance.

---

 

I have always wanted to expand my blog as much as I can. Not really out of an ego although we all have one to some extent, but because I would love to reach as many people as possible with my thoughts and opinions. The further we reach, the more people we will meet with the same outlook on life. We will also reach people that disagree but are willing to engage in interesting conversation. The more people I reach, the bigger the audience that would potentially read a book that I may publish further down the line. Also, the opportunities through blogging increase as it grows. Would I like to have a living outside of the 9-5? You bet.

In my late teens and twenties I started suffering from anxiety and a mild form of depression. Not to the extent that some people have it but enough to see me go to therapy for a few months. I realised that the more time I had to be in my head, the more these conditions manifested into something ugly. As a result this totally demotivated me to blog which only went and gave me more free time to think negative thoughts and a whirlpool opened up below me.

Another factor was the nature of my blog. I had a blog that originally started out just as I was leaving religion, and many of my posts would reflect on existential questions and philosophy. Naturally, putting my non religious views out there to the world caused occasional debates and I often went out to seek them. Not to be a troll but because I really wanted the truth. But because of this blogging wasn’t always fun, and when I was feeling very low I needed something (no pun intended!) to raise my spirits. I ignored my blog for this reason as it didn’t appeal to me when I was at my worst.

This inspired me to change up my blog style and theme. I wanted a happier blog full of colour and photographs. I also decided to travel to Australia as I felt this would be a great distraction from my anxiety, and at the same time I could give much more positive blog posts to the world. I am so glad I did this.

One thing that helps keep my my mind stimulated is continuous blogging. I now spend many hours a day here and it is something I love to do. I love watching it grow and everyday is a new challenge to write about something which is a great mental exercise. Now this is the beautiful part. Blogging frequently does more than just keep us stimulated and- hopefully- free from mental anguish. It means more and more people are able to find our blog. People in the same boat and people that would love to see life from our perspective. No one is perfect, and hearing from others with daily struggles reminds us that we are all human and that we shouldn’t strive for perfection.

Despite having this blog since 2014, it was only in September 2017 that I started to really put effort into this website. That was when I landed in Sydney and my motivation to blog increased tenfold. I had a two year working holiday to show family and friends back home and every day was a new experience. But I couldn’t just post and expect people to come over and read. I had to engage too. This is half of what I do everyday, crossing over to other peoples blogs and introducing myself. If I didn’t do this my blog wouldn’t be as popular. I realised that people enjoy conversation. We all do, we are social creatures and a conversation unites us. No one wants to spend all their time reading in the same way we don’t want to simply listen to someone wanting to speak all the time. We like to have a say and make it a conversation rather than a lecture. I have found some amazing blogs and people this way.

I then found myself with a much larger community of people that I was engaging with. The same thing happens when we decide to leave our house and explore the neighborhood… the people that didn’t know we existed do now and are happy to say ‘hey’! It isn’t that people don’t want to speak to us, it is that they aren’t aware that we are here to speak to us in the first place.

I thanked 600 people whilst I was at the Blue Mountains in November 2017 for following my blog, and I expect at the end of the month I will be thanking 7,000. A huge change in 13 months, and that change is all down to the time spent on my blog and engaging with others.

I keep blogging as it has been a great form of therapy, and if I stop I am unsure whether or not I will sink to those depths again. Keeping busy is a great remedy, and I can see why so many people blog. It is the chosen method for many to keep their heads above the water, and at the same time be creative. It is truly turning a negative into a positive and is great to see.

I hope this answered the question, and if anyone has any thoughts on this topic please feel free to let me know. As always, I will see you in the comments!

 

Sam

---

 

Thank you again to all my followers and regular readers, and hello to you if you are new to my blog!

New to this site? Click here to visit my About My Blog section and Travel Diary

Follow me @samest89 on Instagram and @octstw on Twitter

Want to introduce yourself and your blog and discover new ones? Click here for my meet and greet page.

Happy blogging,

Sam

I had a panic attack yesterday

I wanted to post this as I’ve been silent for the last day or so and I wanted to give the reason for it. I had a very strange day yesterday, I was trying to be productive in a cafe, I set up my laptop to blog and a couple of events triggered a reaction that sent my plans out of the window. 

I was in the cafe in the city library, pretty tired from the night before. I had an iced coffee on route, but it didn’t really wake me up. So, I decided to order a large coffee in the cafe. This would later turn out to be a mistake.

The coffee started to kick in, and I am terrible at making drinks last. I had a few large gulps straight away  so the caffeine quickly got to work. Before I knew it I was full of energy, too much. I started to get the shakes and regret ordering a large. 

Now I’m not sure if you are aware, but it is Riverfire in Brisbane this weekend and tonight is going to be pretty epic on the river. There are military flybys going on, as well as a firework display this evening. Yesterday there was a practice run, one I wasn’t expecting. As I was trying to focus on blogging, a jet flew by and the sudden sound of it caught me off guard. Everyone in the library turned their heads to see what it was about, at this point I had no idea what was happening as the sound became deafening. I thought a plane was crashing! I’m an anxious person in general, and I often fear the worst. Despite realising that this was a flyby in preparation for today, I still went into shock. It sounds so silly, and I had no idea a panic attack could occur due to a coffee and a low flying jet, but I did. I love an airshow, and I love the roar of a low flying airplane, however as I couldn’t tell what the sound was as there was no visuals to go along with it, it just set me off. 

I tried to open Instagram on my phone to distract me however I could barely hold it in my now trembling hand. I struggled to even press the power switch on my laptop as I knew I couldn’t stay sitting there, so I just shut the lid and left the cafe. I wanted to go outside to see the plane as a method to calm my nerves, I needed to confirm that what I heard was indeed harmless. I did so, and I managed to compose myself and get a couple of videos and shots of the scene.

Despite this and having no reason to panic, the thought of having that happen again was enough for it to, you guessed it, happen again. I was outside as the jet was circling above, and every low pass just created more anxiety. I had to put music on to calm me down, as I tried to walk back inside my legs were weak and I started to see stars. Oddly enough, my heart rate didn’t seem to increase, although I was expecting it to. I kept taking deep breaths, drank plenty of water and sat down as soon as I made it back inside. 

I sat on a chair in the library for 45 minutes or so until I calmed down and felt like I could walk back home. I just sat there staring at the floor, letting it take its course as well as reminding myself that it will pass. Another reason I love the internet is that I typed what to do during a panic attack and instantly I was reading a step by step guide as to what I should be doing. It was pretty reassuring and we are fortunate to get instant knowledge at our fingertips, something previous generations were unable to do. 

It was a pretty terrifying experience, and I haven’t had a coffee since. It reminded me that panic attacks are real and not to be taken lightly. It also made me think how terrifying it must be to be in a warzone, if I could be in this state in a calm and peaceful environment. No wonder people flee across borders. 

I know people will be able to relate to this post, and I like that I can provide my thoughts and feelings on this website. As I type the planes are doing some rapid flybys, and I love it. The mind is pretty unpredictable and very scary at times, and just because someone was okay yesterday doesn’t mean they have to be today. I was that person yesterday, and if I have any advice for myself or others, it is that the feelings do pass. It’s all about riding the wave and knowing that time is a great healer. 

​​

Your piece doesn’t fit their puzzle: Compassion for those we lose to suicide is vital, even if we don’t understand

‘But suicide IS selfish. The person may not be in a healthy state or mind or see any other way, but it is 100% a selfish act because it only ends THEIR suffering, whatever that may be, and brings a whole new level of pain on everyone who loves them. I don’t see how it can be anything but a selfish act. Sorry. I just don’t and I don’t believe I ever will.’

I find it very hard to ignore selfish and ignorant comments. Comments that are thrown out there with no intention to be sympathetic or understanding. Comments that manifested from a sudden urge to make a claim without any desire to study the field. It isn’t necessarily the ignorance that gets to me. We are all ignorant in some way. It is the damage caused by those deluded into thinking they are intellects on a topic without putting in the hours to become educated.

This was taken in the early hours a few years back, I travelled 40 minutes with my mum and dad to attend an event in memory of loved ones tragically lost to suicide. It was a peaceful morning, the path up to the iconic Angel of the North was lined with candles, the walk leading up to it roughly a mile long. My mother lost her sister to suicide just after I was born, 28 years ago. My uncle also died due to suicide months before this event. I am no expert on suicide, don’t let me convince you otherwise. But to lose both my auntie and uncle in this way and for my mum to lose both siblings, I certainly feel I have an increased perspective of what leads up to such events and a view of how long the fight can be fought.

Many people clearly have a hard time grasping the idea that someone could possibly take their own life. From the hurtful comments emerging from the most recent and tragic suicide of a high profile artist Chester Bennington, this struggle to fathom a desire to end personal suffering leads to much anger and frustration.

People who die by suicide don’t want to end their life, they want to end their pain.

The problem seems to stem, I can only assume, from having a one size fits all mentality about mentality. Our mindsets differ, configurated in many weird and wonderful ways. We all know this, we all accept that our tastes and interests differ, never questioning our friend at the dinner table that doesn’t like peppercorn sauce. Can you imagine how condescending it would be to tell that friend they do in fact like peppercorn sauce because you do? To be unable to understand that your mind interprets things differently to the mind someone else possesses, and for that reason assuming that they must be wrong about their personal preferences? It is very simple to see why this would be highly inappropriate behaviour, and how respect would be lost rather quickly.

As much as our tastes vary, our mentality does towards life and what is thrown our way. Take fear. We are all scared of something, this something could be anything. Some fear heights. Some people have triskaidekaphobia, the fear of the number thirteen. I am thankfully unafraid of the number thirteen, however the thought of jumping out of an aeroplane 13,000 feet up terrifies me. Simply taking my fears into account and knowing my nightmare scenarios may be the dreams of others helps me to empathise with those terrified of things I am not. I don’t understand having certain fears but I understand fear.

Similar to fear, we perceive pain differently. Some have higher thresholds, some enjoy pain, most spend a life avoiding it as best as possible. We hate seeing loved ones in pain because we can relate, even if we don’t feel that pain at the time. The irony in mental and physical pain is that it all originates in the same place, the brain. What makes mental illness hard to comprehend is that it isn’t physical. Unless depression or the various conditions equally damaging prevent people from washing, eating or hiding self harm it is easy for it to go under the radar. We wouldn’t act so selfishly towards non-mental illness or disease. Similar to the restaurant example provided earlier, can you imagine a cancer victim being interrogated whilst in the hospital bed?

‘I’m sorry but I really don’t understand how you are ill? I feel just fine, I don’t see why you are unable to get up without being sick? I can just fine. It’s easy!’

I do not even have to elaborate on how absurd this conversation would be. The invisibility of the pain is what preserves the stigma around mental illness. It is a very damaging circle, on many occasions taking the below forms.

-Person may openly declare they are depressed. They may not but could show signs of a lack of motivation, appetite or desire to be sociable.

-This person isn’t taken seriously despite the intolerable pain felt mentally. People around cannot comprehend what they cannot see or that they do not mutually experience. 

-The person suffering kills him/herself. Unable to cope with life, not seeing death as an easy route but the only route. Similar to jumpers on 9/11, the mind and body takes any route out of pain, even if an event is temporary. 

-The reaction is that no one saw it coming, or that the suicide was totally unnecessary. An act that was purely selfish and inconsiderate.

I cannot stress enough how selfish it is for people to hurl opinions out there without first hand experience. To read an article, a five minute glimpse into the suffering that may have lasted a lifetime and to come to the conclusion that it was cowardly. I struggle everyday to think of how such a horrific event could be deemed cowardly. To hang a noose from a ceiling and knock the stool from underneath, knowing that these very moments will be the last. Tomorrow there will be no more hugs from loved ones. To have family members that have held on for so long before struggling to take it anymore be called selfish is incredibly arrogant. It doesn’t contribute anything of any worth, nor does it make anyone a good person.

Instead of questioning how someone could leave a family behind, it would be much more progressive to open up to the possibility of mental anguish so unbearable that they have to do so. Anything else is just a failure to empathise with those that had nothing but love before disease got between them.

Compassion will always be the way in this world of unknowns. Don’t ever let disease get between you and the person that may have once held the door open for you, it would be tragic to be the person that closes it on them.

 

 

 

When we lose our heroes

I woke up this morning with my thoughts on the sad news from yesterday. I have been thinking a lot about those we consider heroes, whether it be a parent or partner, pet, philosopher or performer. What is hard to deal with is when these seemingly immortal and incredible people leave us much earlier than expected. How!?

It wasn’t too long ago that I typed up a quick post with lyrics to In The End by Linkin Park.

Time is a valuable thing, watch it fly by as the pendulum swings. Watch it count down to the end of the day the clock ticks life away…

Whenever I think of the word time, or utter it in conversation, my mind heads down the path of this song. In a way it is a healthy reminder that time is not something we can put on hold. We can let it slip by or we can ride that wave as best we can and be as active as possible whilst riding it. One day our feet will lose grip of that surfboard, we all fall into the sea but some travel a big distance before doing so.

When we idolise someone, they seem invincible. Perfect. They can also be taken for granted, as if they have always been around and always will be. When their time runs out and they are no longer around, we see them as human again. Not someone that is perfect but someone with flaws that strived for perfection with incredible effort. To me, a hero dying is like a Spider-Man removing his mask. The human is revealed and instantly relatable. The flaws and imperfections, the illnesses and fears all become visible. I don’t mind my inspirations being human. If anything it motivates me to strive for similar success.

The problem with a high profile death is that we only get a glimpse of their life, the success and the wealth. The suffering isn’t always in silence but out of view. For some, a suicide can be a selfish act. If their Wikipedia page states they are currently touring the world and earn this much from record sales, they must be happy, right? Can we claim to know the lives and the apparent state of mind of a person we have never met? Of course not. To assume would be incredibly arrogant. 

My family has been affected on more than one occasion by depression and suicide. Maybe this is why cries of selfishness are so offensive to me. I know the daily struggle that can last years and the instant opinions from complete strangers that form conclusions with 100% conviction. It is much more respectable to admit we cannot know the mind of another person than to be so wrong whilst believing we are so right.

The comforting aspect for me is that no one ever dissapears. They are always here, the cells are no longer assembled in the way they were to create such art, but they flow by us everyday. That I find truly mind blowing.

Peace.

‘Hi mam, awful news about Chris Cornell, such a shame x’

I hit backspace on my iPhone and deleted the text. Both of my mothers siblings died due to suicide. As much as I want to talk about another inspiration dying from suicide, I fear it is something that is still too painful to talk about. I genuinely waited for my mother to text me about the breaking news, as I felt if she wanted to talk about it, she would.

It has been on the news that the lead singer of the band Soundgarden had killed himself by hanging today. With every suicide by a well known artist, more awareness, more understanding. At least I hope this is the case. Too many people condemn suicide. I hate the fact that people have to resort to such measures for a cease in the pain, I could not imagine being a person that condemns the individual. Whether that person had a mental illness so horrific we cannot imagine or their feet were practically melting against steel in September 2001, who are we, in a completely different frame of mind, to judge how and why individuals go to the lengths they do to escape the pain.

It angers me, truly. I don’t mind admitting that things anger me, this is healthy and if I can open up about certain feelings, I will. According to the World Health Organisation, suicide is the second leading cause of death for people aged 15-29 globally. We need to stop pretending we know how much pain people go through and that death is never the answer. Sometimes it is the answer for that person. We tell sufferers to ‘man up’. We weep at their funeral, crying to the church ceiling asking why they didn’t speak up about such problems. We create this vicious circle and we need to find alternative ways around addressing such problems without labeling suffers as weak or that they undervalue life.

Life isn’t a gift that we need to force upon people that want nothing but and end to their own consciousness. We need to make life that gift, by understanding how horrific mental illness can be and preventing such illnesses from manifesting. This won’t work by telling them how good life is because yours is more tolerable. Sadly, death provides the wings to leave this world for too many people, lets stop pretending that this world isn’t worth leaving.